Will Not Pretend

I'm dying slowly
Thinking coldly
About all things
That matter not.

Maybe I can't take it anymore,
Not alone,
Not like before.
I guess it's time for me to stop.

Bleeding bad blood,
I think I've bled enough
From these wounds
It seems my heart forgot.

The truth is they're still there
And they do still bleed, near
The heart, and cloud the mind when clear.
I think a lot.

I think about
All of the doubts
That have left me in a drought
Of the love that used to fill me to the top.

Breathing is hard,
Like a smoker, my lungs are charred.
Charcoal black, the color of a heart too scarred.
I took the easy route last time; I folded before the flop.

I didn't feel like dealing with it again,
I hope that you can understand
That this time I will not pretend
To be happy when I'm not!